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NANOWRIMO
I attempted the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) challenge in 2010. The goal of NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I was…not successful. I hadn’t done any outlining beforehand, I'd just decided on a) my two characters, b) the theme of “making a meaningful connection” and c) the framework of telling the story via an email exchange. It started off pretty well, but after about 12,000 words I ran out of steam. This is most of what I wrote (the last bit of sputtering out before the final death was pretty bad; I won’t inflict that on you).
Forewarning: this is definitely still in the first draft stage; it needs tightening up, and filling in of some details that I left blank. And there’s not a lot of plot, per se. But overall I think it’s entertaining enough to share.
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Alien Contact
Date: November 1, 2010 10:50:36 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Hello,
I am interested in learning more about alien contact. I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me.
1) How would you know that you’ve made contact with an alien?
2) How could you translate from human (English, I assume) to alienese?
3) What are the first things you would say?
I know you’re probably busy, so if you don’t have time to answer my questions I understand.
Thank you,
Stavroula Mathison
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 1, 2010 01:33:07 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Hello Stavroula,
Thank you for your email. A great deal of my time is spent sitting in front of my computer waiting while it runs its various processes, so I’m more than happy to answer your questions.
1) The first indication of extraterrestrial intelligence that we’re likely to receive is a radio signal. To determine that this is a signal rather than just noise, it is assumed to have periodicity – a pattern. That’s the first indication.
2) This is a bit harder. Since extraterrestrials would be, by definition, alien, we don’t know what kind of language they would use to communicate. There are specialists in alien linguistics who have made some good guesses about the fundamentals of language, and think they might apply universally, but until we actually receive a signal we won’t know.
3) As a species we have already said a few things to the unknown ETs. The Voyager probe that was launched in the 70s had pictures of human beings, a schematic diagram of our solar system and our planet, and a recording of Bach. And we are currently transmitting radio signals with the Fibonacci series (an assumed universal pattern that would satisfy your question #1 to any aliens who are listening).
As for what I would say to them, myself, it would probably be “hey, can I get a spin in your spaceship?”
Hope that answers your questions,
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 1, 2010 04:02:12 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Hi Peter,
Thank you for getting back to me so quickly. I’m glad to know that I wasn’t interrupting vital matters of the universe :).
I hope it’s okay if I ask you some follow-up questions….
Say you do get a signal – tune it in on your high-powered Bose radio, or whatever you use – how would you know where it’s coming from to know where to send a message back to?
And (forgive me, my astrophysics is a bit rusty) but I’m pretty sure that I remember something about long distances meaning lots of time. Wouldn’t your conversation be likely to stretch out over decades?
Thanks again,
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 1, 2010 04:30:22 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Hi Stavroula,
You raise some interesting points. The easiest one to answer is about how we receive the signals. They are radio waves that we can pick up, but no regular radio is powerful enough to receive them. Not even a Bose, unfortunately. We need to use a radio telescope, in what is called a [something] array. It’s a series of 300+ radio telescopes all focused on the same patch of the sky, to pick up the faintest signal and amplify it. Because these telescopes are so powerful and aimed at such a small area of sky, we have a pretty good idea where the signal is coming from.
We can further refine the location using triangulation. Put simply, if we got a signal today, we could write down which direction we perceive it coming from. Then, in six months, when the Earth is at its farthest point in its orbit from where it is now, we take another measurement and write down where we think it’s coming from then. These two points can help us pin down the location to a pretty high accuracy.
As for time equaling distance, you’re absolutely right. Radio signals travel at the speed of light, and our closest neighbors are 4.6 light years away. So the shortest conversation time would be four and a half years. Not so good for getting the game results. But seriously, in the timescale of the universe, that’s not such a long time. And there are strategies for shortening that time, once we’ve made a definite contact.
I hope I haven’t overloaded you with information. It’s been pretty slow here today.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 1, 2010 05:16:00 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Hi Peter,
No, I’m not overloaded at all! In fact, I want to know more. Like what’s the probability that we will make contact? Are there even other races out there for sure, or is it more likely that we’re completely alone in the universe? And do you think we’ll ever meet an alien, or would it all be just tin cans stretched across the empty space?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 2, 2010 09:17:41 AM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
I like your image of tin cans stretched across space.
I’m afraid there’s no definite answer to the probability of contact. There are all sorts of equations to estimate the likelihood: Number of stars in a galaxy, numbers of inhabitable planets circling those stars, length of time it takes for civilizations to evolve, size of the universe, random distribution of resources, etc. But in the end your guess is as good as anyone else’s. Nobody really knows. It could happen tomorrow. Or never.
As for actually meeting an alien, the likelihood is even less than for receiving a signal. Transporting matter across space is far more expensive and difficult – and slow –than sending a beam of light. There are some people who think that aliens may have already visited us, and are intentionally concealing themselves. But I think it more likely that if we make contact at all it will be through a signal and not face to face. Or face to tentacled, bug-eyed, cephalothorax.
Peter
p.s. Are you an astronomy student?
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 2, 2010 04:09:20 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Hi Peter,
I’m not an astronomy student. I hope that’s okay. I mean, I hope you’ll still answer my questions….
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 2, 2010 04:49:18 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Sure, I’ll answer whatever questions you have. I’m always happy to illuminate the deep dark mysteries of the universe. Mind you, I’ve only got a penlight, but I’ll do my best.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 2, 2010 05:11:46 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Okay, thanks! :)
I guess what I want to know is: how do you know you’re looking for the right thing? I mean, they’re aliens, right? So what if we’re listening for radio signals and they’re sending light beams instead? You know? What if they’re so alien that we’re just completely missing the message?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 2, 2010 06:56:12 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
That’s a pretty insightful question. You’re right. They could be utilizing a technology that we haven’t thought of. Or that we don’t currently understand. For instance neutrino transmission is a possible medium. Neutrinos travel at the speed of light, and because they’re neutrally charged, they only rarely interact with matter. That makes them very good for carrying a message over a long distance, because it won’t get interrupted or decay significantly. And there are plenty of neutrinos in the universe, in fact there are billions of them passing through your body at this very minute. But because they are so unreactive it’s very difficult for us to detect them. So if there are aliens sending us a message via neutrinos then yes, we’re likely to miss it.
All we can do is try to listen out for the most likely message, in the most likely form that we’re capable of detecting, and hope to get lucky.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Alien Contact
Date: November 2, 2010 06:59:02 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
But how can you spend so much time and energy searching for something that you might never find? Something that might not even exist? You could waste your whole life looking and never have anything to show for it!
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Sorry.
Date: November 2, 2010 07:10:26 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that you’re wasting your time. I hope you didn’t take that the wrong way. I’m actually pretty impressed by your ability – well, anyone who does what you do – to keep going just on, well, faith, really. You know, to have such commitment to your goal that you can keep going after it without having any proof at all. Crap, I think I’m still saying it wrong. What I mean is: you must have a really strong belief in your work to keep you motivated, and I respect that.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Sorry.
Date: November 3, 2010 01:12:35 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
No offense taken. Sometimes I do think it’s all a bit of a waste of time. Space is really big. We’ve only been around for a tiny amount of time, relatively speaking. So the likelihood of us finding evidence of another intelligent race, let alone making some kind of contact with it is pretty small. But that one in a gadzillion possibility is so exciting that it makes it worth it to try. After all, someone has to win the lottery. Eventually. Though, come to think of it, I never play the lottery. Hmm.
Anyway, even if we never make contact, or find any evidence of alien intelligence, it’s still a good job. I work with nice people, doing interesting science, and instilling a sense of hope and optimism in the world. Those are worthwhile things regardless of whether we hit the jackpot in my lifetime.
So, if you’re not an astronomy student, what got you interested in SETI?
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: SETI
Date: November 4, 2010 03:17:58 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
What got me interested in SETI? I’m not sure, really. To be totally honest, I just tend to get interested in things and want to find out all I can about them. I guess I’ve known about SETI for a while, and I’ve always wondered, like everyone else, about the possibility of there being someone (something?) out there that we might get in touch with.
I suppose the trigger was that I was flipping through an old Smithsonian in the library the other day, and they had some pictures of an artist’s idea of what aliens might look like and what they might say, and it seemed like total crap to me (if you’ll forgive the language). Little pale-green men with almond-shaped eyes holding up their two-fingered hands with speech bubbles over their heads that were translated into “We come in peace and wish harmony between our races.” Or something like that. I’m no expert, but even I know it’s not likely to be as simplistic as that.
So I wanted to find out from someone who’s in the thick of it all what it’s really like. You know, beyond the stereotypes and wishful thinking. Aliens are either made out to be cuddly like ET and want nothing but peace and harmony, or they’re vicious killers bent on destroying us (or kidnapping us temporarily to do invasive experiments). But why should they be any less complicated or multi-dimensional than we are? So to speak :}
I guess you don’t have the answer, either, since you haven’t met one. But I figured you’d at least have some better theories.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: SETI
Date: November 4, 2010 04:37:09 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Ah, theories! Well, if it’s theories you want, I could talk all day about theories.
Aliens probably are as complex as we are. You know, maybe they do want to stick a probe up our butt, but they’d like to take us out to dinner first, and get to know us.
Or they may be just as bumbling as we are, and we keep missing each other’s messages, like pre-voice-mail phone tag.
Maybe they’re made out of sentient clouds of gas that stretch for miles through space, and we can’t find them because we’re not looking for non-planet based intelligence.
Maybe they do live on a planet but have advanced their technology to the point where they’ve uploaded themselves into virtual worlds on their equivalent of computers, and they’re not interested in making contact with the outside world anymore.
Or maybe aliens are really boring, and their idea of a good time is to stand around and count up to the number 17, over and over and over again. To look for other races might seem to them the height of frivolity and pointlessness.
There are plenty of other visions of what aliens might be like and what they may be thinking or wanting. Just read some science fiction and you’ll get everything from plant-like beings living on a neutron star, to sentient bugs, to hive-mind multi-beings.
And hundreds more where those came from. I don’t want to bury you in theories, but there’s so much out there that’s way more interesting than anything Hollywood comes up with.
By the way, I’m curious about your name. Where does it come from? And how do you pronounce it?
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: SETI
Date: November 4, 2010 08:24:11 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Sta-VROO-la. It’s Greek, meaning “cross,” I think. But the one site I saw that listed a meaning didn’t specify whether it’s “cross” like “this is my cross to bear, having a name that no one can spell or pronounce” or “cross” like “I’m so cross that no one can spell or pronounce my name.” Well, it doesn’t really bother me anymore that my mail comes to “Stevia” or “Stroola” …. I even got “Trudi,” once. I don’t know how they came up with that one.
I changed it to Stephanie in grade school when it wasn’t cool to have a weird name, and then back to Stravoula in college when it was cool to have a weird name. I guess you’ve never had a problem, being “Peter.”
Anyway, it’s good for my resumé. I do translating to and from Greek, so it helps to have an uber-Greek name. Well, mega-Greek, I guess, if I don’t want to mix my languages.
Where does “Alnwith” come from?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: SETI
Date: November 5, 2010 12:36:10 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Ah, Alnwith. Nobody knows. It’s not on any name websites and no one in my family has ever cared enough to do any genealogy research. I guess it’s nice to have a first name that people recognize, but there were three Peters in my grade at school. And there have been so many famous Peters that you can feel a little small in comparison. I mean, Peter the Great. Even if I were Peter the Pretty Damn Good, I’d still never live up. As it is, I’m more like Peter the Happy Being Ordinary.
But you know Greek! That’s so cool. Hey, how would you say “my pants are on fire?” Sorry, is that childish? I’ve been collecting that phrase in different languages since college, when I was definitely very childish. But it’s too late to change my key phrase, I’ve got 11 different languages now. Swahili is “seruali yangu wananza kuchoma.” Or something near to that. Or maybe something nothing like that. It was a while back and my memory’s kinda dodgy (and his Swahili was pretty dodgy, too).
What kinds of things do you translate?
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: SETI
Date: November 5, 2010 04:18:44 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
I’m a bit ashamed to say that most of my translating is user manuals; cars, appliances, computers. Mr. Talakis would be so disappointed. He was my Ancient Greek prof in college, and he always thought I’d be the next John Ciardi. You know, literature, poetry, etc. But it’s hard to eat just doing poetry translations. Toaster manufacturers pay a lot better. Actually, I may do a novel. I don’t know. My mother’s cousin’s friend wrote a book and she wants me to do the translation, but I’m not sure if I’m going to do it or not.
So how did you get into extraterrestrial seeking?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: SETI
Date: November 9, 2010 05:05:27 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I was at a conference this weekend. I now know more about applied radio telemetry than I ever wanted to know about anything. Including my own mind.
Don’t get down on translating user manuals. It’s a valuable service for humanity! Without your toaster translations what would happen to poor Mr. Papadapolous’ Pop-Tarts? They might go up in smoke. I’m sure you do a better job than the person who wrote the manual for my stereo; this person would have me “take the flavor of plugging from the first part and access is eventfully into the second part by parts not solely.” I dare you to translate that into Greek!
So how did you get into extraterrestrial seeking?
Well, I read a lot of science fiction as a kid. I always wanted to be an astronaut. But my eyes aren’t good enough. And after they rejected me I realized that actually I didn’t want to do the boring stuff that astronauts get to do; repairing satellites and doing experiments on peas in zero gravity. I wanted to explore distant planets, and cross the galaxy with my trusty android sidekick, having adventures and saving innocent alien damsels. But nobody was hiring space adventurers, so I went back and got my PhD in astronomy while I figured out what else to do. And then I went to a conference and heard Carl Sagan speak about the SETI program, and I was hooked. All the adventure and discovery, none of the space-sickness. What could be better?
Of course it’s more about sitting in a little room and processing data than it is about firing my laser gun at alien monsters, but then every job has its monotony, I guess. And actually, this weekend was a lot of fun. Between the lectures I got to meet up with my colleagues and talk about what they’re working on. It’s got me fired up to find better ways to do my own work. Heck, I may even apply some radio telemetry to it!
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 10, 2010 10:12:16 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
That sounds nice. Meeting with colleagues. I can get a little stir-crazy sometimes, sitting by myself in my room, trying to find the right translation for “warranty voided if liquid is spilled into the hyper-definition sub-fluxor unit.” In fact, I think I’m going to take my mid-morning break and get some coffee and biscotti.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 10, 2010 12:08:23 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Yeah, it’s nice to have other people to bounce ideas off of. I’m guessing there aren’t too many Greek toaster translators living where you are. Whereabouts are you? In Greece?
You should definitely do that novel! If only to keep yourself sane. What’s it about?
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 10, 2010 03:41:00 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Whereabouts are you? In Greece?
Nope, no such luck. If I were there I’d be sunning myself on the beach and going to the local [tienda] for coffee and baklavah. Instead I’m watching my windows frost up in chilly Philadelphia and waiting for this year’s car-burying blizzard. I definitely take after my mother’s side! That’s the Greek side; my dad’s family are all from England, from way back.
I did live in Greece for a year after college. I stayed with my mom’s cousin in Thessaloniki. She has a bookstore/café, so I worked there part time while I was trying to break into the poetry translation business. I guess it’s no wonder I didn’t have much success, since my attempts consisted of hanging around the bookstore reading [famous Greek writer] and stuffing myself on dolmades and [other Greek dessert], and occasionally submitting my translations to agents. It was pretty paradisical.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 10, 2010 04:45:02 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
So why did you ever come home?!
I’d like to visit Greece someday. Ever since I saw [famous Greek movie] I imagined that I’d retire to a little Grecian island one day and spend the rest of my life fishing. When I wasn’t sleeping in a hammock in the shade, with a hat over my face.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 10, 2010 05:13:30 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
So why did you ever come home?!
I met a guy. That’s always the reason for bad choices, isn’t it? I was home visiting my folks and I met him at a friend’s party. He swept me off my feet, and as soon as I got back to Greece I packed up my stuff and moved back home. That was in the summertime. If I’d come home for Christmas and remembered how cold it is here, I doubt I’d have come back!
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 10, 2010 05:54:16 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Ah, the old story: Girl Meets Boy, Girl Leaves Paradise, Girl Is Punished With Hyper-Definition Sub-Fluxor Units. I bet if you stayed you’d be the next John Ciardi.
Speaking of which, you never told me what that novel was about. The one your mom’s cousin wants you to translate. I’m curious….
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 13, 2010 11:43:27 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
It’s my mom’s cousin’s friend’s book. And it’s some middle-aged life journey; you know, once you have the husband and the kids and the job, trying to figure out what it’s all about. I suppose it’s got a little twist because the woman’s from Greece and runs away to Cleveland to find herself; usually it’s the other way around. It’s not a bad novel. I just don’t know if I’m the one to do it justice.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Coffee and Biscotti
Date: November 15, 2010 12:51:12 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Ah, so it’s written in Greek, and you’d be translating it into English? Is that easier, or is it the same no matter which way you go?
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: More space questions
Date: November 19, 2010 03:08:59 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Hi Peter,
I saw a show about Mars last night. They say that life might have originated on Mars and come to Earth via a comet. You’re my space expert. Is that possible? Are we all Martians?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: More space questions
Date: November 19, 2010 03:36:37 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Are we all Martians?
I don’t know. That’s not really my field of expertise. I could tell you how to interpret a signal from Mars if we ever got one….But we’re not likely to. From what I know the only thing likely to be living on – or ever to have lived on – Mars are single-celled organisms. Which are not generally know for their technical expertise on building interplanetary signaling devices.
How’s Philly treating you? I see from my weather widget that there’s a warm front passing through. If you can call 60˚ warm, I guess.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Earth to Philly, come in Philly
Date: December 2, 2010 03:36:37 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Hi Stavroula,
What’s up? Are you still there? Did I offend you by saying that 60˚ was warm weather? I promise I won’t assert my weather-based prejudices anymore…
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Earth to Philly, come in Philly
Date: December 8, 2010 10:12:23 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Hi Peter,
Sorry I’ve been incommunicado. It wasn’t you. Or your weather prejudice (though 60˚ is not warm, it’s just not freezing). I was…well actually, I guess I was hibernating a bit. Even though the weather was warmer. I mean, not as freezing.
You don’t write poetry, do you? I guess that’s a pretty big prejudice of mine, isn’t it, assuming that scientists aren’t artistic. But you don’t seem like the tormented poet type. Please tell me that you don’t suffer from this virus!
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Earth to Philly, come in Philly
Date: December 8, 2010 03:10:04 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Hi Stavroula,
I’m afraid I must confess my deep dark secret. I do write poetry. Here is one of my latest opuses (opi?):
A dashing researcher at SETI
Made a tangling trap from spaghetti.
He ended up failin’
In catchin’ an alien,
But succeeded in nabbing a Yeti.
I’m thinking of giving a reading at my local art house. You don’t think it’s too deep for the common public, do you? I wouldn’t want to scare them away.
Seriously, though, what’s got you spraying disinfectant against poets? I thought you liked them.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Poetry and other diseases
Date: December 9, 2010 10:17:08 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
I do like poets. When they’re safely dead and pressed between the heavy bond, watermarked pages of a volume of collected works. It’s the living variety I have trouble with.
Here’s my confession: remember that guy I told you about, the one who convinced me to leave paradise and move back to the Winter Wonderland that is Philly? Long story short: I ended up living with him for about 7 years. We broke up two years ago, and I hadn’t seen him since. Well, he showed up at my friend’s party last month. Come to think of it, it was the same friend who first introduced me to him. How’s that for poetic irony?
Anyway, he was in town promoting his new book of poems, Letters Never Sent. More irony. If he’d sent some of those damn letters….well, water under the bridge. But I’ve sworn off poets. No offense to you :). I liked your limerick, but I don’t really count you as the pestilential variety of poet.
How’s the alien search coming? Got any nibbles?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Poetry and other diseases
Date: December 9, 2010 01:10:56 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Sorry to hear about your unpleasant dealings with Mr. Poet. I can totally understand. I dated a woman once who was a hydroponic engineer. Wait, that’s not the same thing at all, is it?
Forgive me if I’m being nosy, and feel free not to answer, but does this guy have anything do with why you’re doing manuals instead of novels?
Nothing new on the alien front. At least as far as telegrams from the Great Beyond. But I did initiate a new algorithm based on something I got from that conference I went to. Not from any of the presentations, perish the thought! But from something my buddy at METI (that’s “[definition of METI]”) told me about how they’re sending out messages.
In a nutshell, we’d been doing a widespread search of the entire sky, listening for the same amount of time to each patch and then moving on. This algorithm helps in determining the more likely areas to focus on, and spending time listening to each in more depth.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Algorithms
Date: December 11, 2010 02:11:34 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
That’s cool that you have a way of cutting down your searches to the more likely areas. So what makes a more likely patch of sky? I’d guess it was more stars in that area, but then, if it were something that obvious you probably wouldn’t need a fancy algorithm, huh?
Forgive me if I’m being nosy, and feel free not to answer, but does this guy have anything do with why you’re doing manuals instead of novels/poems?
Nosiness doesn’t bother me. In fact, just the opposite. It shows that someone’s interested…
As for the answer though, I don’t think he’s a big reason. As I said before, in this economy there’s not a lot of poetry floating around waiting to be translated. But mostly I think manuals are just a lot easier to translate (even with the “carburetor manifolds” and “anti-deflector shieldings”). There’s a clear intention that everyone can agree on. Sure, you have to find the right word to represent it, but the thing you’re trying to represent is pretty simple. Instructions on how to plug the right cord into the right socket are a lot more straightforward than, say, trying to describe the sweetly sickening odor of a rotting pineapple, or depicting the light of the end of the day and the weather at the end of the year from the perspective of someone who’s nearing the end of their life.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Algorithms
Date: December 13, 2010 02:40:33 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
So what makes a more likely patch of sky? I’d guess more stars in that area, but if it were something that obvious you probably wouldn’t need a fancy algorithm, huh?
Exactly. The most populous areas aren’t always the most interesting. For instance, there are loads of stars in the [something] nebula, but that’s because it’s a nursery for new stars. These stars are still boiling and off-gassing and are highly unstable. No likelihood of planets developing around them for millennia yet, let alone intelligent civilizations. So what we need to find are the stars that are isolated enough to have some stability, to have had time for planets and cultures to develop, but that aren’t so isolated that it’s like looking for a single ant in a football field.
As for translating, I don’t mean to make it sound simplistic (it’s nothing I could ever do!) but don’t you just have to take the author’s words and change them into the words of the other language? I mean, sure, you have to pick between “sniffed,” “smelled,” “inhaled,” or whatever, but it’s still the same idea of using your nose to detect odors that come across.
I know there must be skill and artistry involved because computer translations are so horrendous at it. But once you know the idioms and homonyms and can navigate the differences in grammar, why is it so difficult? (that’s genuine curiosity, not a slam).
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Algorithms
Date: December 13, 2010 04:18:17 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
But once you know the idioms and homonyms and can navigate the differences in grammar, why is it so difficult?
Sure, that’s what I mean about manuals being easy compared to literature. A computer can do a fair job at translating a manual. It doesn’t know anything about the real world, so it might mess something up that you need a human to catch, but computers are getting better and better at straightforward translations.
The harder problem is when the thing that’s described doesn’t have a simple, real-world equivalent. Or when the thing described differs from culture to culture. Look at your limerick, for example. Forget the fact that words in a different language won’t rhyme the same way they do in English. More crucial is the fact that most Greek people wouldn’t have a clue what a Yeti is.
So how do you translate the word Yeti? You could just translate it phonetically and have a footnote at the bottom of the page describing what it is. But that kind of takes the punch out of the poem. The point of a limerick is to make you laugh, not to be analyzed and footnoted. So an arguably better option would be to find a similarly mythical and monstrous beast that exists in Greek popular culture and use that instead. Like, say, the Minotaur. Not quite the same, but it’ll do for now.
But then you face a similar problem with the organization SETI. There’s a Greek organization that searches for marine creatures, called [find something that works].
So you started with a poem about an alien researcher nabbing a shaggy, icy-mountain-dwelling, mythical creature that people think exists nowadays but no one has proven to have seen. And what you end up with is a poem about a marine biologist catching a labyrinth-dwelling, bull-headed, human-bodied mythical creature that people think once existed in the past but no one expects to run across if they’re out roaming around the wilds of Crete by themselves.
Is that the same thing? I’m not so sure. But even if it is the same – or similar enough – it still proves the point that translating requires a human to hold all the equivalencies in their head, and judge whether two dissimilar things are close enough to serve the same purpose. Most translation problems are more subtle than mythical monsters, but the idea is the same.
Anyway, enough about the perils of poetic translations. Tell me something interesting about you. What ever happened with your hydroponic engineer?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Algorithms
Date: December 13, 2010 05:12:08 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Heh, I never thought about the cultural problems of translation. I always thought it was a matter of just getting the words right. But I can see where you’d have to think about more than that. And I imagine that you have extra worries with poems, like trying to squeeze “Minotaur” into the space of “Yeti.” You have to shave off syllables elsewhere, I guess. That’s one thing better about describing toaster functions: you don’t have to write it in iambic pentameter.
Tell me something interesting about you.
What happened with your hydroponic engineer?
Well, those are two different requests, I’m afraid. The hydroponic engineer decided that she wanted to look for greener pastures (so to speak) and took off. Nothing interesting there. Though I suppose it was mildly amusing the way our short-lived relationship began. In the plant nursery, naturally. I was looking for a housewarming present for my sister, she was working in the cactus section at Long’s Garden Center. I knocked over a cactus, stupidly tried to catch it, and ended up with a hand full of prickles. She had a tweezers and a Florence Nightengale disposition, and we had plenty of time to talk as she plucked out the spikes.
I suppose that’s what the Eastern philosophers would call an “inauspicious beginning.” I think I never recovered from being the bozo who tried to catch a cactus with his bare hands. Oops, now I’ve become that guy to you, too. I hope this doesn’t ruin my suave and sophisticated image in your mind.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Algorithms
Date: December 15, 2010 10:27:15 AM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
I love it! That beats my worst pick-up experience (getting drinks poured on me at a party; he said it was an accident, but then he offered to give me “the shirt off his back.” How cheesy is that!).
So did you end up getting a cactus for your sister, or did you go for something safer? Like a throw pillow?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Algorithms
Date: December 15, 2010 12:12:54 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
So did you end up getting a cactus for your sister, or did you go for something safer? Like a throw pillow?
:)
I went with some potted herbs. I think she’s still got them growing in her garden.
Hey, if you’re interested, there’s going to be a lunar eclipse next Monday night. I’m thinking of driving out into the hills, to get a better view.
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Eclipse
Date: December 15, 2010 12:38:06 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
I’ve never seen an eclipse, lunar or solar. Maybe I’ll try to catch the one on Monday. I can’t see myself standing around outside in the cold for very long, though. To bad you can’t TiVo an astronomical event :).
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Eclipse
Date: December 15, 2010 01:57:42 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Nope, no astral TiVo. But you can see some eclipse clips on YouTube. Not as impressive as actually seeing it for yourself, but it gives you the idea. And it happens a lot faster!
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Eclipse
Date: December 15, 2010 06:20:42 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
So you said you’re going to drive out to the wilderness to see the eclipse. Does that mean that you’re not at an observatory? What’s it like where you work? You said something about there being 300 radio telescopes, so I imagine that that’s a pretty big patch of land. Is there a normal telescope there too?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; p_alnwith@seti.org
Subject: Re: Eclipse
Date: December 16, 2010 01:15:06 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
I wish I got to work at an observatory. Unfortunately I’m in a boring office park. Nice enough buildings, I guess. Modern. But no eye on the sky. Just a whole bunch of offices and computers. The radio telescope array is in [wherever], and we rent time on it. I did get to go to the Mauna Kea observatory when I was in Hawaii last year. I’ll tell you, I could be happy living in Hawaii….
Peter
P. Alnwith, PhD
Primary Researcher, SETI
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Existential Friday
Date: December 17, 2010 03:06:11 PM EDT
To: p_alnwith@seti.org
Okay, here’s a question:
How the hell do people know what each other is thinking? It seems like people can know. Can communicate. You ask someone to pass you the salt, and you end up with the salt in your hand, so obviously they understood what you wanted, right? But anything more complicated than salt-passing, and it seems like the comprehension goes way down.
How can any relationship last? They do. Or at least the external forms of them do; the same people living in the same house together. But it seems like so many of them are just salt-passing. How many people are actually, truly communicating with each other?
It’s like manuals vs. poems. As long as you stick to the basics – things you can see, touch, point at – you stand a safe chance of people getting the message you’re trying to convey. But we humans are so damn cocky. We build up complex expectations and ideas and dreams, and then we expect to make them come true. And for other people to understand them and help us with them.
Or is it our stupid biology? We’re programmed to try to connect and work together; form families and communities and societies, and yet we can’t get along at any level, from world wars to nasty neighbors to husband and wives continually bickering.
And all these social networks like Facebook. Everyone’s talking but is anyone saying anything? Or is it enough just to grunt meaninglessly at each other about where we are and what we’re eating? Is it the equivalent of apes picking nits off each other? It is enough just knowing someone else is there and paying some level of attention to you? Am I greedy for wanting more? Am I unrealistic?
So my dilemma is: do I keep trying ? Do I look for that person or persons who are willing to put in the time and effort to try to communicate? Or do I just resign myself to the imperfection of society and individuals and live in my own little bubble, and spend most of my time and energy doing the equivalent of asking for the salt, and then every now and then, in rare magical moments, make a connection?
Blart! Here I am, trying to do the very thing I’m arguing it’s impossible to do. I’ve got this idea that’s so fricking vague and intangible I keep losing track of it myself, and here I am desperately trying to make it understandable to someone else. Irritable dissatisfaction with the way things are, and a sense that it has something to do with imperfect communication.
Sorry to inflict all this on you. Feel free to ignore it.
Tell me about your trip to Hawaii….
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
I was going to say “I know exactly what you mean.” But in light of the subject matter, I guess I have to admit that I don’t really know exactly what you mean :]. And that I can’t know. But I do think it’s worth trying to communicate with people. Okay, so we’ll never get to perfect understanding in our lifetime, but there is progress.
Ook and Thok, the cavemen, could only point at things and grunt. They couldn’t say anything about what was going on inside their heads if it wasn’t out there in the real world. But with language we can point to things that are going on inside our heads.
Like, for instance, saying, “I like thinking about existential problems.” You can’t point to that with your finger. But you can use the words to point to things we’ve both (presumably) experienced in the past. If someone doesn’t know what “existential” means then no, that’s not going to communicate your thought, but then if someone isn’t sure whether you’re pointing to the salt or the bowl of mashed potatoes or a stain on the tablecloth, it’s not going to get your point across either.
So you go back and forth to clarify. They point at the potatoes, you shake your head. They point at the water carafe, you shake your head. They point at the stain on the table, you shake your head and thump your first down on the table and point more emphatically at the salt. Eventually you get your point (so to speak) across to them.
Language takes a little more time, maybe. You say “existential” I say “do you mean Kant’s version of existential [add some specifics in here] or Locke’s idea of [add some other specifics]” and gradually we can narrow it down until we’re both thinking of more or less the same thing.
So, short story long, I do think it’s possible for people to understand each other. And I think it is worth doing.
Peter
p.s. in the abovementioned spirit of clarification, do you really want to hear about Hawaii, or was that just a misdirection to change the subject from miscommunication?
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
I’m feeling less uncertain today about it all. That is: the other day it seemed like it was an impossibility. Today it just seems like a “that’s the way the world works. Put up with imperfection and make do.” And the fact that you communicated your ideas so clearly kind of disproved my doubts both by the message and medium.
And yeah, I do want to know about Hawaii.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
I will tell you about Hawaii some day. But I don’t feel like writing about it today. It’s my turn to feel uncertain. And a bit bummed, really. I went back over the data we’ve been collecting with this new algorithm, and it turns out there was a miscalculation in the estimations about population density, and all the information we’ve been recording is no good.
That’s not such a big problem in itself. It’s only been a few weeks of recording. But it reminds me of the whole difficulty of this line of work in general. It’s all estimations and suppositions and guesses. Even the primary assumption – that there is intelligence out there in the universe at all – is a groundless assumption. No proof. Nothing that’s even a hint, an unsolved enigma, a long-shot possibility.
There have been mis-assumptions before. Back in [some year] [whoever the scientists were] discovered regular strong pulses of radio waves. Too perfect to be random artifacts of nature, they thought. Evidence of intelligence. But in the end it turned out to be pulsars [quasars?]. They are neutron stars that spin while emitting high intensity radio waves from their poles. When the radio beam sweeps past Earth (kind of like a high-intensity radio version of a lighthouse beam) we register it as a pulse. Because they’re spinning so quickly they’re very stable, and thus the pulses are highly regular [or whatever the real explanation is]. No intelligence. No design. Just the laws of physics.
But I digress. There’s nothing even like that to get excited about these days. Just a whole lot of nothing. Empty space. Static-y hiss. No signals, nothing.
I’m sure my enthusiasm will come back. This has happened to me before, and I’ve just had to talk with some of my more zealous colleagues to get the fire going in me again. In the back of my mind I still believe in those things that I’ve always believed; still know the unlikelihood of the odds vs. the unfathomable wonderousness if those long odds pay out; still believe that it’s better to look and not find than not to look at all.
But my joy in the search has left me for the time being.
Thanks for being there to share this with. I hate to mention it to my colleagues because I don’t want to infect them with my ennui. It’s hard enough to keep the excitement up against the external critics and cynics; almost demoralizing when it’s someone on the inside.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Hey, no problem. You can vent to me all you like. I can imagine that sometimes it’s hard to shout into the big empty space and get nothing back, not even an echo.
I’m glad you’re not giving up, though. That you still believe it in your mind even if you don’t feel it in your heart. I’m only a peon; a non-scientific lay person, but I feel the wonder of that potential, that possibility. And if you guys aren’t keeping your super-complicated ears out for a signal, then I’ll never have any hope of hearing one.
It’s like I feel about any super-specialty. Amazed and awed that someone, for instance, spends their entire professional life thinking about and working on how to convert raw sewage into drinkable water. So I can just turn on my tap and drink. Or concert cellists, who spend hours every day just playing the cello so that they can do amazing things with the vibrations in the air that make my insides go warm and wiggly. Three cheers for agriculture that made specialization possible that made civilization possible!
Anyway, you’re allowed to have your doubts. And you’re allowed to not be happy about your job. What other things still make you happy?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Thanks for the pep talk :). I feel better already. Not better about the futility of the search, but at least I’m not beating myself up for feeling that way.
What other things still make me happy? Getting out in nature. I like to go hiking and kayaking. That kind of silence makes me happy. I like cooking, too. Especially the experimental variety. I got a book about strange ways to cook things, like poaching salmon in the dishwasher (in tightly wrapped tinfoil) and barbecuing shrimp on your car engine (drive to the picnic site and when you get there, voila! hot lunch is ready). What else? Oh yeah, grilled cheese with an iron. That’s the only use my poor iron has seen in the past year and a half!
I’ve gone a bit more mainstream, though. My current project is 101 Things You Can Cook in a Wok. I started with your traditional stir-fries, of course. Then I decided to make some soup and didn’t have a big enough pot, so I used my wok. I’ve done deep fried fish and chips in it, omelets, and even used it to roast a chicken in the oven. I think it’s the only cooking implement you really need. My next experiment is going to be baking a cake in it. I need to wait for a friend to have a birthday, though; I don’t want to have to eat an entire cake by myself.
What’s the craziest thing you can think of to cook in a wok?
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Craziest thing to cook in a wok? That’s a hard one….everything I think of ends up seeming pretty plausible. I don’t think I can come up with anything odder than birthday cake. Lemme know how it turns out!
I’m not much of a cook, myself. Thank goodness for frozen food and take-out pizzas. Now there’s something that would probably be impossible in a wok: a pizza. All of your toppings and cheese would puddle in the middle.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Aha! I take that as a challenge: Wok Pizza. I could affix the toppings to the crust with toothpicks – just to cook it, then take them out before I serve it. As for the sauce and the cheese….that is a harder problem. The sauce I could possibly fix if I built a little device to keep the wok rotating on a angle, you know, like a cement mixer, to keep the sauce rolling over the surface. But the cheese. That wouldn’t work for the cheese…. I’ll have to keep thinking and get back to you on that.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Just out of curiosity: you don’t like woks because they remind you of flying saucers, or anything, do you? ;)
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Are you kidding? Flying saucers aren’t shaped like woks! They’re shaped like waffle makers.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Waffle makers?! That’s not very aerodynamic.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Waffle makers?! That’s not very aerodynamic.
They don’t have to be aerodynamic. Not when they’re flying through atmosphere-less space. Using their positron-emission drive. And leaving behind waffle-shaped asteroids of spent neutronium.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Ah, I see. And here I was imagining health-conscious aliens. All those little green men are so skinny. Maybe the aliens are really round, instead, and that’s why we haven’t recognized them. Gorging themselves at the Intergalactic House of Pancakes and chowing down on Milky Way bars. And then rolling out of their waffle iron ships on a deserted back road in the Midwest and people mistaking them for tumbleweeds.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
:) How’d you like to join my research team? You could take us in a whole different direction. One we’d never imagined before.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
How’d you like to join my research team?
I think I’d like that, actually. It would be nice to be working on a project with other people, instead of being by myself all the time. “What’s the best way to translate ‘[some kind of technical gibberish]’ Stavroula?” “I don’t know, Stavroula, what do you think?” “Well, Stavroula’s the best one to ask about technical details, let’s see what she has to say.” And so on.
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Well, if you’re serious, you could come do a summer internship. It’s not a bad time, actually. Part science, part community outreach, part summer camp. It’s mostly for high-school and college kids, but there are always more mature folks who want to do something different for the summer. We teach them about the technology, and they do the scut-work— I mean, important detailed investigation of poring over countless printouts of our random sky searches, looking for patterns. The pay’s not great, but the weather’s good, and the company is too.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
What do you have to do to qualify to be an intern?
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
What do you have to do to qualify to be an intern?
Breathe in and out at regular intervals.
Well, maybe a little more than that. But you’d definitely qualify. And, not to toot my own horn, but I have a little special influence with the intern coordinator. In fact, I know his every thought and whim, and can plant suggestions in his mind. All right, all right, it’s because I’m the intern coordinator. Oh glamorous life.
But yeah, you should definitely come do it. It’s only three weeks long. And it’d be fun to meet you in person.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
I’ll think about it. I’m not a very impulsive person. (Past impulsive decisions bear me out on this).
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Hey! I saw your name in the paper! It was on page 27, granted, but still: you’re famous! (-ish). It was an article on the likelihood of life on Mars, and they quoted you. I didn’t know that you’re a “leading expert on astrobiology.” I feel a vicarious thrill to know someone famous. Ish. ;)
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Me? Famous? Nah, I just happened to be the one who answered the phone that day when the reporter called. Not that I want to spoil your fantasies. If you want you can go on imagining me as the go-to guy on astrobiology; my phone number tacked up over the president’s red phone, to consult when the aliens touch down.
Heck, maybe your number’s there, too. After all, Greek’s a pretty tough language. And we don’t know what alien language is going to be like. Maybe a Greek interpreter would be just the person to save the Earth when the aliens come.
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
I love it! Me with my English/Greek/English dictionary under my arm, curly hair whipped about by the wind of the descending waffle iron ships, shouting “Kalimera!” at the roly-poly bug-eyed ETs. And them coming back with “ουρά! μας πάνε στον ηγέτη σας”
Stavroula
_________________________________
From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
“ουρά! μας πάνε στον ηγέτη σας”
Does that mean “Hey! We’ve heard great things about your maple syrup” ?
Peter
_________________________________
From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
“ουρά! μας πάνε στον ηγέτη σας”
Does that mean “Hey! We’ve heard great things about your maple syrup” ?
Nope, it means “take me to your leader.” Though you’re right, the maple syrup is far more important to waffle-loving aliens. Can you imagine being stranded in space with only that brown sugar water that they serve at the Intergalactic House of Pancakes? It’d be enough to start an interstellar war!
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Speaking of pancakes: I did pancakes in my wok the other day. They came out great. Tasting a little bit of scallions and sesame oil from my stir-fry the night before, but I guess that’s the price you pay for the convenience of one-pan cooking. I’m still working on the pizza idea. What if I made an extra thin crust, doubled it up, and stuffed the cheese between the layers? It wouldn’t get all bubbly and brown on top, but it’d probably melt, and probably stick to the inside of the crust rather than sliding down to the bottom….
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
I don’t know about your cheese idea. I hate to be a spoilsport, but I can see it going horribly wrong. What about just cooking a tiny pizza in the bottom of the wok?
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
I don’t know about your cheese idea. I hate to be a spoilsport, but I can see it going horribly wrong. What about just cooking a tiny pizza in the bottom of the wok?
Ah, where’s the sport in that? Where would we be today if Columbus, John Glenn, Leonardo Da Vinci were content to just cook a tiny pizza in the bottoms of their woks? They all dreamt big! And I do too. I’ll figure it out. Just gotta put my brain into gear. For which I need sustenance. I think I’ll order a plain old flat pizza, and see if it gives me any ideas.
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Good luck!
So other than gustatory experimentation, what’s the real life of an interstellar reasearcher like? What’s a typical day for you?
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
What’s a typical day for you?
Hmm, you mean one in which I don’t find a signal from an alien race and win the Nobel Prize?
Let’s see. Up at seven, quick run, shower, breakfast. Drive or bike to work depending on the weather. Boot up my protocols, make sure that all data processing from the night before went okay, that there were no major blips or difficulties. If it’s a Monday, go to a morning meeting where we discuss our plans for the upcoming week/month/year. Then spend the day in one or more of the following endeavors: reading up on new research in the journals, phoning around to talk to other colleagues about advances (or setbacks, but hopefully more of the former than the latter!), and going over the data that we’ve collected from the telescopes. It’s designed to flag anything unusual and alert us to possible signals, but it’s good to just keep up on what’s normal. That way if there is a signal then my eyes are more attuned to being able to recognize it.
Every now and then we come up with some advance in the technology or the theoretical aspects that are worth sharing, so I spend time collaborating on papers.
How about you? What’s a typical day in your life?
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
I don’t think I have anything like a typical day. The blessing (or curse) of being a freelancer. I’m the total worst person to be a freelancer, too. I have little to no ambition and few organizational skills. So I guess the only constant is my ability to procrastinate.
That in mind, my mornings are all pretty similar, since they consist of waking up slowly, dawdling over breakfast, and stretching out my email-checking and blog-reading routines. Somewhere in mid-morning my conscience kicks in and I realize that I have to get some work done if I want to be able to afford to drink the fancy coffee next month. So I turn off my wifi, open up my Word program, and do some translating. It’s not really hard, but it does take concentration. Break for lunch, maybe a walk to the park to get my muscles moving, and then more translation in the afternoon.
My goal is to do at least six pages a day. If I get that then I’m allowed to treat myself at night. Simple treats: maybe renting a movie or getting a Gü for dsesert (mmm, yum). If I don’t make my goal then it’s strictly bread and water for me. Well, maybe not that strict, but no pampering.
I go to a knitting night once a week, and I try to get together with friends for coffee or a meal at least once or twice a week, too. Hmm, I guess maybe I do have a pretty predictable schedule. But every now and then – if I’ve been really good – I’ll take a day off and go visit a museum or go haunt the art galleries in Old City. Or maybe spend all afternoon browsing in the used book store. It feels unpredictable to me, because I’ll just decide “Yup, today’s a goof-off day” and I’ll go do it.
I do miss working with other people (and it’d be nice to have a steady job and the benefits that come with it). But for me the freedom to take a goof-off day when I need to is more important. And I do find that I need them. Usually not until afterwards. You know, I’ll decide that it’s a goof-off day and I’ll feel guilty before (and sometimes during) but then afterwards I’ll feel so refreshed and far more positive about my work. It becomes so much easier to resist the temptation to write “For a heavy duty wash, make sure you use at least two weasels per spin cycle.”
So anyway, that’s my average day.
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
“For a heavy duty wash, make sure you use at least two weasels per spin cycle.”
That’s brilliant!
What’s the most mischievous thing you’ve ever actually put into one of your translations?
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
What’s the most mischievous thing you’ve ever actually put into one of your translations?
Who me? I’d never actually do something as irresponsible as mistranslate! It goes against my Hypocritic oath!
Ok, well, as you’re twisting my arm maybe there was this one little time where I was translating a manual for a deep fat fryer that I knew no self-respecting Greek person would ever use, let alone read the manual for. The company shall remain nameless, though it has since gone bankrupt, so they’re not around anymore to sue me. Anyhow, it was a ridiculously overwritten document. The main thing it had to say was “Put oil in. Plug in machine and turn on. Be careful, moron, the thing gets hot.” Oh, yeah, and the one other thing that they strangely seemed to forget to put in: “Don’t use this machine because it hardens your arteries with poisonous grunge.”
But instead of a little one-page note saying the above simple instructions and precautions the thing was – and I’m not making this up – 30 pages long! Granted, some of those pages were “recipes,” but there was all sorts of fine print and disclaimers and such.
So in one of the endless sections of fine print about what you should or shouldn’t do to operate your health-poisoning machine properly I added a line about how you shouldn’t let an aardvark take control of the on/off switch because they have a tendency to overcook their battered ants.
In my defense I was waaaaay overworked that month, and if I didn’t let off some stress I was going to jump out the window (even more dangerous in this old apartment, since the windows have long since been painted shut, and I would’ve had to smash through the glass with my noggin). Nobody ever called me on it. I’m pretty sure you’re the only other person who even knows about it.
What’s the most irresponsible thing you’ve done at work?
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
That’s a great story. And so true. Every time I’ve had aardvarks over for a fried meal they’ve burned the ants!
What’s the most irresponsible thing I’ve done at work? You mean other than writing email to charming Hellenic miscreants instead of getting my work done? Hmm, I can’t think of anything. It’s pretty hard to sneak anything into journals and far more likely that I’d be caught (well, at least I hope that someone would be reading one of my papers closely enough to catch a reference to an aardvark!)
Hmm, do practical jokes count? I once switched a coworker’s office with the supply closet. That was back in grad school, though, so I’m not sure that does count. I guess I’ll have to get on it. My life of petty misdeeds is sadly underdeveloped.
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Hey, I just had a look at your website! Call me unobservant, but I just noticed that you’ve been emailing me from a different edress. And then I guess you can call me nosy, too, because I decided to check it out.
Those are great pictures! How do you get the swirly effects like that? And what are the bubbly ones? They look like – well, forgive the analogy – alien landscapes.
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Oh that’s just a little hobby of mine. Or was. I don’t do it so much anymore. But I’m glad you like them. The swirly pictures are drops of ink in a semi-solidified gelatin solution (think really watery Jell-O), spun around an axis, and photographed in extreme macro. You can get some really good effects if you microwave the gelatin in between each color, melting it a bit and letting it meld with the ink.
The bubbles are caramel candies heated until they boil and give off all their water. The bubbles solidify, and the caramel in between gets dried and kind of crumbly, and gets those good textures. The colors come from some olive oil spritzed on top to give it the sheen and the refraction.
I guess I’ve always liked to play with my food :^)
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Have you ever done a show anywhere? I’m sure that people would buy your pictures. They’re better than a lot of the things I see hanging at the galleries here!
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Nope, I’ve never sold any of my pictures. I do them for fun, and the whole selling side of it doesn’t seem like much fun. I mean, I’ve got no objection to it, if someone wanted to handle the whole business side of it. But I’m pretty bad at selling things, let alone things I’ve made. And I can’t imagine I’d make enough money for it to be worth the headaches.
Wanna be my agent?
Peter
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
Wanna be my agent?
Nope. I suck at selling things too. I’d buy one of your photos, though. I really like the third one down, with all the blues and greens. How much for a wall-sized print?
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
How much for a wall-sized print?
I don’t know, I’ve never printed them out. I mean on good photo paper. Would you want it framed, too, or just the print?
I’m not promising anything, but I’ll check into it and see.
Peter
p.s. When’s your birthday?
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From: Stavroula Mathison; smatter@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 19, 2010 04:10:55 PM EDT
To: peter@alnternateworlds.com
I think I can get a frame at an art store near me, so just the print would be okay.
My birthday’s April 6th, but I hope that’s not a subtle offer to send it as present. I want to be your first customer!
Stavroula
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From: Peter Alnwith; peter@alnternateworlds.com
Subject: Re: Existential Friday
Date: December 18, 2010 01:12:28 PM EDT
To: smatter@gmail.com
Guess what I did the other day? I made my wok pizza! Definitely a prototype, and not to be thrust upon unsuspecting members of the public, but it was at least edible! I did the “pepperonis speared with toothpicks” idea and the “cheese inside the crust.” I had to admit defeat on the cement mixer idea, so I just smeared the tomato sauce on thinly.
Pros: the pepperoni turned out fine; the cheese melted and didn’t all seep into the bottom (though it was a bit thicker there than by the edge); and a bowl shaped pizza is a lot of fun to eat.
Andrea Blumberg
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